Friday, February 8, 2008

Mind reading


Reading other people's minds is one of the many skills the professional limousine driver needs to succeed in his chosen field.

It works like this. You will collect a couple, or three, or four, knowing that they want to start their evening at a particular restaurant or bar. On Harry's trip sheet, it's usually referred to as:

Take from residence to Mongrel Grill for dinner, then as directed.

It's the "as directed" part that sometimes gets messed up.

You know you're in for a big night when they say, Nah, forget about the Mongrel Grill, we don't want to go there. Where's the action in town tonight? Take us there.

Great. Now I'm responsible for the success or failure of their evening, with the resulting effect on everyone's mood. In this part of Florida there IS nowhere to go on a Tuesday night. Alright, maybe a handful of places that might have some live music and atmosphere, but come on people, the average age here is 231. Dinner service is over at most places by 6:45.

Once they've had a few adult beverages, things loosen up. They usually start being more chatty, but also more forgetful. I receive the call to collect them from one place, and everyone piles in. I often just start driving, because it's not my position to start demanding answers. At some point, someone will shout "Hey, where are you going?" to which I always say, "Sir, wherever you want." Some form of instruction usually follows.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU WANT TO GO WHILE I'M HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN FOR YOU, YOU IDIOT?

Boy, that feels better.

What's worse than a fool? A drunk fool in a limousine.

6 comments:

Don said...

Sounds like great job! You are right about the average age here too. And older people often don't care/can't tell good food from bad so some of the food you get is pretty awful.

The only time we have used a limo I'm afraid that we were pretty sober, went to Bern's and came home. Drank all the guy's bottled water on the way home but that would be about it. My wife paid so I know the tip would have been good. And we know better than to look for 'action'! In the wrong neighborhood, we might find it!

BTW, the limo was from Julie's & seemed ok.

L.P. said...

"the average age here is 231"
ouch.
that's just... wrong.

Girl said...

Your stories make me wonder if there is a correlation between limo use and brain function.

Maybe you need one of those squeezy balls to de-stress as you drive...

nitebyrd said...

I think the average age in all FL is about 231, maybe higher in season. And WHY do they all have to be in their cars, doing 23 MPH, at 7:30 am when I'm going to work?

Fools are insufferable no matter their level of sobriety or location.

Wombat said...

What did you think of Bern's Don? Did it live up to expectation?

We have quite a few clients here who take a limousine up there for the night, and everyone seems to love it.

You and your wife are the perfect customers!


Princess, you wouldn't believe just how bad it is. Wrong, indeed. Never come here. Go anywhere else for vacation.

Girl, I need something to destress, that's for sure.

Grinding teeth: not good.

Terse backchat: not good.

Aggressive driving: not good.

Contemplating revenge by blog: good.

Nitebyrd, this is the question on my lips. Why is the driving SO bad? Does age and an out-of-state plate require totally inconsiderate road skills?

Sorry to hear all the Q-Tips are in your path at 7:30. They're on their way to early-bird lunch.

Kat Wilder said...

Action? In Florida? Just drive to any nearby mall ....