If a Marine and gay man formed a partnership, they would have the most perfect wedding organizing business. (Which, if the Marine was gay, could be a great one-person enterprise.) Sadly, most wedding organizers I see are a cross between Brüno and Borat. What the profession needs is the creative flair of the gay man, and the organizational and command skills of the Marine, all of which are rarely on display.
Providing limousines for weddings is a solid part of The Boss's business. First we collect the 'boys' from wherever they're staying, and transport them to the site of the proposed nuptuals. Oftentimes the boys are hungover. Can't think why.
Then we go find the 'girls' and wait for them to be ready. Almost always the anxiety level is quite high here, but there's nothing I can do to help. Our side of the arrangement is simply to be there with the correct limousine at the assigned time, then drive them to the ceremony.
This is all simple enough stuff, right? Well, it would be if even one person had some kind of master plan to hand. You would expect the wedding planner to know every detail of the day, but rarely are they capable of arranging more than some seats for guests, a photographer and a bill for their services.
Some examples of the disorganization, as seen from the chauffeur's point of view:
Where EXACTLY is the wedding ceremony being held? "A beach on Siesta Key" covers quite a lot of sand.
What time EXACTLY do you want to be there? Out-of towners are poor at matching distance and time.
No, I do not know where the floral arrangements are. If you show me, I'll certainly look after them.
No, I do not know anything about bottles of champagne for afterwards, and no, I cannot legally sell them to you. I will be happy to go buy some for you though, if you give me some cash.
No, I do not know what your favorite champagne is.
Yes, there is a difference between French and domestic. (Merde!)
No, I do not know where the reception is being held. At the time you booked the limousine, you did not know yourself. Did you call back to tell us where you had decided? Ah-ha. I see.
Okay, so we're not going to Denny's now, we're going for more photographs? Fine, but you understand you are being charged by the hour?
No, trust me. The Boss did not say he was giving you a free fourth hour.
Yes, photographers do have a strong will of their own, don't they?
I am sorry, but I wasn't at the practice. I don't know in which order you should walk into the reception.
And finally:
No, the gratuity is never included.
8 comments:
this made me remember our daughter's first wedding (you already know where this is going, right?), anyway, there we were sitting in the limo...me, the bride, her dad...me wearing a big summer straw hat, the bride in her big white dress and her dad in his big creme colored dinner jacket (summer afternoon wedding outside)...the driver in front. i'll never forget his expression (in the mirror) as her daddy asked her if she was sure about the wedding because as he said "your mama will get out of this car, take off her hat and tell the our friends and family to head on over to the hyatt for a party because the wedding was off!" bless his heart, he looked more panicked than i did! (i tipped him on top of what the MITM gave him and told him it was for the added drama!) xoxox
Why dont YOU become a wedding planner Wombi? I think you would be great at it, even though your not gay, or a marine, or even a gay marine.
Sugar, I can see it now! A precious vignette indeed, and you were so nice to the driver too!
Oh my, that's the stuff of real life. I'm pleased now that I'm aware of yet another possible outcome. That's one I haven't encountered, nor imagined. I wonder how often that scene is played out in limousines across the world...
Oh, Enigma, believe me, I have thought of it. But as organized as I might be, it's still the ditz-factor and illogicality of the customers that would drive me to drink.
Tip of the day: People involved in weddings are NUTS!
Thats probably why I have never been married, or bridesmaid for that matter.
You're just awaiting the right male fox, Enigma, that's all.
And being bridesmaid is a total waste of tuille and energy. You do all the work, and don't get the guy.
Hmmmm, well said Wombi.
And being bridesmaid is a total waste of tuille and energy.
i LOVE this line, sugar! xoxo
OMG, if I could pay to have you as an audience, I would, Sugar.
XOXOXO indeed.
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