On Time, Uniformed, Sober.

In the limousine world, a driver need remember only three things; arrive at the pick-up address on time, uniformed, and sober. Everything will flow from there, whether it's a simple airport transfer or a night of wildness and excess.

When the job at hand is a pick-up on Longboat Key at 4:00 am, it's reassuring to know there are only three. From the alarm ringing at 2:15 until I pull under the porte cochere of the customer's building at 3:45 am, they are all I need to know.

Uniform: pants on, tie straight, shoelaces tied - check.

Pickup time: arrive ten to fifteen before the request - check.

Last drink: two nights ago - check.

Okay, now I can relax.

Except that it isn't true - now is the point at which things are likely to get tricky. Importantly, it is 3:45 in the morning, a time at which no-one operates at their peak. The security man at the front gate guardhouse had a wad of dip in his cheek the size of one of Tiger Woods's balls. Golf balls. Strung-out barely describes him. We agreed that he would call my customer to tell him I had arrived - the standard practice - at around five minutes to four.

So picture me in the Lincoln Town Car, dressed in black suit and tie, waiting, hoping like hell that Bubba made the call.

The night breeze is sweet as I pass the remaining minutes.

4:00 am strikes, I wait for my gentleman passenger to alight the elevator.

4:05 am comes and goes. No activity in the lobby.

4:15 am and now I'm concerned. Should I call the condo and see if he's awake? Did Bubba forget to call, and screw me?

4:20 am and I'm worried. Is it the right day? Is the time correct? Is Mr Customer lying helpless in his shower having suffered a myocardial infarction?

4:25 am and I'm about to do the unthinkable and call his apartment, when the lift doors open revealing my man and his two roller bags, iBuds in his iEars, nonchalant as can be.

Good morning, Sir, I smile, genuinely pleased to see him. 

But he doesn't answer. He's got better things to do at 4:30 in the morning.

Technorati: Chauffeur, Limousine Life, Dip, Sober