Thespians

Let's face it, Florida was built on wrinkles and white hair. It's a blessing then that oldsters are among the least stressful, easy-going customers we have in the limo game, because they form a goodly portion of our business. Transferring them to and from airports and ship ports is mostly how we serve them, although occasionally there's a celebratory dinner run.

I call those special gigs "Five to Nines". Dinner at five, in bed by nine.

Many old couples - seasoned citizens, in AARP PC-speak - appear to have common characteristics. The gentleman often has a hearing aid. He might even have two, and for neither one has he read the instruction manual. His lady wife therefore has to translate for him, in the following way:

Mr Seasoned Citzen: So how's the limo business going?

Me: Well, it's slow. We're down about 50% from last year.

Mr SC: What's that?

Mrs Seasoned Citizen: He said it's slow, Harry, down by half.

Mr SC: Oh, that's too bad.

The old farts are chatty, and want to talk, but it's SO laborious. Even if I SHOUT, the poor wife has to repeat every thing I say.

Sometimes the whole ride is like that children's game of Telephone, or Chinese Whispers:

Mr SC: Do you ever drive famous people?

Me: Occasionally sir, but if I tell you, I'd have to kill you.

Mr SC: What'd he say, Agatha?

Mrs SC: He said sometimes he carries famous people, but he can't say who.

Mr SC: Have you ever driven that Jerry Springer? He lives around here you know.

Me: Perhaps. (Smile in mirror.) Most of the famous people we drive are thespians.

Mr SC: What's that?

Mrs SC: He said he might have driven Jerry, but that most of the famous people he drives are thespians.

Mr SC: Well that figures. I heard he might be gay, but I didn't know he was a lesbian.

No wonder the wives knead their temples and stare off vacantly into the middle distance.

Technorati: Chauffeur, Limousine Life, Senior Citizens, Old People