The time evenings unravel is around 1:15 am. Sometimes it's earlier, but by that point any simmering differences between folks in the group rise to the surface.
Alcohol is the catalyst. Observing the arc of a night out with people in a limousine teaches you that even the most chummy friends can turn ugly on each other given enough neck-oil. It's sad, in truth, but just another human frailty.
Notwithstanding late-night bickering, I try to find amusement whenever I can. Of course I'm as sober as a Sarasota lawyer at 1:15 am, which gives me an advantage over most of my customers and opportunities to indulge my dark side. Here's a case in point:
If you have rented a large stretched limousine, a Hummer, for example, a recent model will set you back north of $150 per hour. That is $2.50 a minute. Think of it as a Bud Light per minute. This particular night out was organized by a self-made man, an electrical contractor from memory, and he was clearly the Alpha Dog amongst the six couples. We'd been to bars all over the Suncoast, and, as usual, the initial iciness towards me had melted. The mood was happy and festive. Until the 1:15 hour.
Our Alpha decided it was time to settle up the bill to that point. We stopped outside one of his buddies' houses, and he whipped out a wad of cash collected from the players.
How much do I owe you? he asked. I totted it up, and let's say it came to $650 dollars.
He then started counting fifties and twenties into my hand, backwards from $650. Swaying and slurring all the while, he did a pretty good job, although the leap from $610 to $590 took him a lot of mental energy. Why he insisted on counting backwards is a mystery, but backwards was the way he wanted it.
At around $420, someone would come up to him (we were standing at the rear of the limo) and offer him a drink or a cigarette, or the inevitable ongoing argument inside would spill outside and distract him.
He would then take all the money back from me, and start counting down again from $650, only to be interrupted at the $420 mark.
The third time this happened, when he started again he asked how much he owed me to date. $688 I said. He stopped and looked at me.
I thought you said $650?
Yes, but we've been standing here counting money for fifteen minutes, and you now owe me $38 more.
He then started counting backwards from $688.
This went on for forty minutes. I laughed then, and for days after. On the inside, of course.
Also published here. [link]
6 comments:
What a cool story! No, it's $38 better than cool! LOL Absolutely amazing. Thanks for sharing it.
Oh, you're welcome Don. It's even funnier when I include the fact that the less drunk guys standing around could see what was going on, and shared the silliness of him counting backwards....with each minute costing him more and more money.
There's no fool like a determined drunk fool.
I shake my head at these adventures, because it proves over and over that you can't make this shit up! Life's way more weird than fiction.
At least #1 they had sense enough to hire a limo when so much drinking was involved and #2 do all people in limos drink so much?
Well, it seems part of the attraction of the limo is the ability to overindulge, Nitebyrd. Those who drink almost always go over the top. Something about letting go or whatever, but it's almost universal.
Only the oldies and the underage show any self-control, and only because the oldies lack control elsewhere, and the youngies because their parents are controlling them.
So you see why there's a $250 clean up the puke charge. It's about the only thing stopping them.
y'all are a very wicked man, sugar! i love that about you! xoxoxo ;~D
Just doing my job, Sugar, just doing my job. :-D
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